Friday, March 10, 2006
the saga continues...
since my rendevous was short lived, i fell back into the same pattern. at this point, i must've been afraid to look beyond the familiar.
i couldn't understand (neither could my friends) why i kept puttin myself in the same situation. now that i'm able to reflect, i think it had a lot to do with sex. i'll spare the details, but it was always an interesting experience. plus, i'm not one to deny myself anything (especially a guaranteed good time).
then there was the fact that i'd invested a lot of time and emotion. i didn't want it to be in vain. i guess i kept waiting for it to get better. instead it was getting worse. it really got bad when i thought that he was with someone else. i actually made a big production over his cousin!! it was then that i realized that it was time for me to let go. the frustration and pressure finally got to me.
the problem was actually letting go.
instead of being upfront about how i was feeling, i started to avoid him. i wouldn't call (the fact that he didn't have a cellphone made it easy) and i tried to avoid him at work. during this time, i met my baby's father.
initially, i didn't pay much attention to him, but there was something about him. the more time i spent with him, the more interested i became. i'd known him for a few weeks and he'd already done more for me than 'boy troubled' had done in the past few months.
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i didnt know how hard i could cry
9:28 AM
